As an extrovert, I thrive on the energy I get from being around people. I love being in groups, at parties, etc. I enjoy discussions, and I tend to get cranky if I don't have social stimuli for a while. Being around people is what makes me tick.
That being said, I HATE group work. Since the dawn of time, people have needed other people to complete work. I get that. Sometimes teams are needed in order to accomplish a task. The problem lies in people not giving the assistance required. In my classes, I am put in a group. I didn't get to choose the people in my group (I rarely do), and I really didn't know any of them before hand. I got to enter into this group completely blind, with no bias towards or against any particular group member.
Each of us has our strengths. one of us is very analytic, one a technical guru, one is creative, one is a leader, one is very literate, and one is energetic. I'm not going to say who is who. The downside is only 2 of us are hard workers. That leaves 4 people who are just riding on coattails. There is also a distinct lack of communication. Despite the fact that I'm constantly asking people when we want to meet, who is doing what, and who is in charge of actually presenting or turning in the final product, I get no concrete response. We set meetings, and only 2 or 3 of us show up. We say "oh, this needs to get done" and then I'm the one stuck with the bill in the end, furiously punching out content 15 minutes before the deadline because 3 of my teammates didn't give me their portions of the assignment.
I can't stress enough to my group that it will take more than an hour to slam together our findings. Despite my constant reminders that something needs to get done, everyone refuses to meet for more than an hour at a time. Arg. Guess who ends up picking up the slack.
Always me.
It wouldn't be as big of a deal if everyone pitched in, but I hate having to drag someone else's weight. I'm heavy enough as it is.
I think everyone in a group should have shock collars. A person's collar would be activated whenever 2 other teammates believe that person is not doing enough work or pulling their own weight. I believe this would reduce the amount of AZZZCHCHCHCHCHAAAAAAAAPHPHPHPHPHHPHPPHP....
I guess my teammates think I should get back to work, rather than blarging.
Showing posts with label Seriously?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Seriously?. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Hotline Woes
I used to work in the wireless phone business. I worked for a company that was considered a "third-party" sales team. We dealt with three different major wireless carriers, and to avoid any of these companies coming after me with all their righteous corporate fury, I will not refer to them by name. Lets simply call them Awesome, Great, and... Not-so-Great (NOG for short).
Working as a third-party representative, I had the great liberty of being able to be completely honest about these different companies. Each company had strengths and weaknesses, ranging from price to coverage to handset availability and quality. I loved being able to talk openly with customers to identify their needs and match them to whichever service and handset would best suit them.
Often, these discussions would lead to questions, or there would be difficulties with the activation process. This would invariably result in my having to call the carrier to resolve the issue. Two of the carriers (I bet you can figure out which two I'm referring to by their fictional names above) were really good at the whole customer service bit. They responded to my calls with courtesy, the automated systems were easy to navigate, or had built in systems to send me straight to an actual person. The calling process was not always pleasant with them, but the vast majority of the time, I didn't have a problem with them.
NOG, however, was almost always a pain. There was so much frustration with them, that I began to take notes on how to best circumvent them and get what I wanted with as little pain as possible. Unfortunately, my notes did me no good, as it seemed that their system was always changing in an effort to constantly screw with their customers. Their automated systems had no viable workaround, and their customer services representatives seemed to be trained in the art of customer frustration.
A story:
I called NOG because I had to upgrade someone's line. This is not a problem most of the time, and I rarely need to call in to get it done. This particular instance, there was a minor blip in the system, and I had to make the dreaded call. After waiting on hold with their incessant music and annoying pitches for services nobody actually needs, I finally was able to navigate my way to an actual person who spoke English (sort of) with an accent that was so heavy I could have made a mattress out of it. I told him the situation, which was really quite minor, but still needed the assistance of someone from the almighty person on the phone. He then told me he didn't understand what I wanted him to do.
What?
You're telling me that you don't know how to fix this minor blip that has happened to me at least a hundred times before? (Yeah, I know, I said it's not common, but it still happens) Are you so incompetent that you can't type in a string of numbers into the correct box? I'm even providing you the numbers! You can't do that?
So I attempt to explain what I want done in a different way. Again, he replied with incomprehension. So, I explain it a third time.
This time, he gets what I want him to do, but tells me it is against company policy to perform the task I am asking him to do.
Come again?
Let me remind you, I've done this exact thing over a hundred times (that's not an exaggeration) and I've done it with all three carriers that I represent. This is not a major thing, I just don't have access to the button that needs pushing on my computer.
Long story short, I hung up and called back to speak with someone different who would do what I wanted. The whole process: 3.5 hours. Way to go, NOG, you have successfully turned something that should have taken 15 minutes maximum, including a reasonable hold time, to something that was blown so far out of proportion that I've now turned into a blarg.
I've unfortunately found that many customer service hotlines have a similar problem. They take the simple and create something impossible out of it. I love getting a good customer service rep, and I will gladly stay on the line to give them excellent feedback for every good rep I get. I understand that their jobs depend on that feedback, and promotions can come from consistent positive feedback. It goes both ways, though. I'll gladly rip apart any service rep who doesn't do at least the minimum. They have no place in a service industry if they can't do their job, or they can't do it with civility. I'm never rude to them, because I've been in the service industry, and I know how hard it can be. But I also have a healthy respect for being able to do one's job, and far too often, customer service lines don't or can't.
Working as a third-party representative, I had the great liberty of being able to be completely honest about these different companies. Each company had strengths and weaknesses, ranging from price to coverage to handset availability and quality. I loved being able to talk openly with customers to identify their needs and match them to whichever service and handset would best suit them.
Often, these discussions would lead to questions, or there would be difficulties with the activation process. This would invariably result in my having to call the carrier to resolve the issue. Two of the carriers (I bet you can figure out which two I'm referring to by their fictional names above) were really good at the whole customer service bit. They responded to my calls with courtesy, the automated systems were easy to navigate, or had built in systems to send me straight to an actual person. The calling process was not always pleasant with them, but the vast majority of the time, I didn't have a problem with them.
NOG, however, was almost always a pain. There was so much frustration with them, that I began to take notes on how to best circumvent them and get what I wanted with as little pain as possible. Unfortunately, my notes did me no good, as it seemed that their system was always changing in an effort to constantly screw with their customers. Their automated systems had no viable workaround, and their customer services representatives seemed to be trained in the art of customer frustration.
A story:
I called NOG because I had to upgrade someone's line. This is not a problem most of the time, and I rarely need to call in to get it done. This particular instance, there was a minor blip in the system, and I had to make the dreaded call. After waiting on hold with their incessant music and annoying pitches for services nobody actually needs, I finally was able to navigate my way to an actual person who spoke English (sort of) with an accent that was so heavy I could have made a mattress out of it. I told him the situation, which was really quite minor, but still needed the assistance of someone from the almighty person on the phone. He then told me he didn't understand what I wanted him to do.
What?
You're telling me that you don't know how to fix this minor blip that has happened to me at least a hundred times before? (Yeah, I know, I said it's not common, but it still happens) Are you so incompetent that you can't type in a string of numbers into the correct box? I'm even providing you the numbers! You can't do that?
So I attempt to explain what I want done in a different way. Again, he replied with incomprehension. So, I explain it a third time.
This time, he gets what I want him to do, but tells me it is against company policy to perform the task I am asking him to do.
Come again?
Let me remind you, I've done this exact thing over a hundred times (that's not an exaggeration) and I've done it with all three carriers that I represent. This is not a major thing, I just don't have access to the button that needs pushing on my computer.
Long story short, I hung up and called back to speak with someone different who would do what I wanted. The whole process: 3.5 hours. Way to go, NOG, you have successfully turned something that should have taken 15 minutes maximum, including a reasonable hold time, to something that was blown so far out of proportion that I've now turned into a blarg.
I've unfortunately found that many customer service hotlines have a similar problem. They take the simple and create something impossible out of it. I love getting a good customer service rep, and I will gladly stay on the line to give them excellent feedback for every good rep I get. I understand that their jobs depend on that feedback, and promotions can come from consistent positive feedback. It goes both ways, though. I'll gladly rip apart any service rep who doesn't do at least the minimum. They have no place in a service industry if they can't do their job, or they can't do it with civility. I'm never rude to them, because I've been in the service industry, and I know how hard it can be. But I also have a healthy respect for being able to do one's job, and far too often, customer service lines don't or can't.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
No pockets
Here's a post that stems from a friend's complaint. I didn't even think about it, but now that it's been brought up, I've been stewing over this, and I've discovered that it's quite annoying.
Let me start off with this: Pajama pants and gym shorts are the most comfortable things in the world. Obviously, you don't wear them at the same time, because that would look weird and would probably negate the whole comfort thing. I love wearing pajama pants because they are so loose and unrestricting. Fleece or flannel are great in the wintertime, and of course something lightweight during the summer. SOOOOOOO nice!
Gym shorts are just as good as pajama pants, if not better! They are loose, lightweight, and slightly more acceptable to wear to the store if I get a craving in the middle of the night for something that I don't have in my pantry (which happens far more often than I'd really care to admit). I mean, sometimes you just need some sour cream and onion chips at 3:30 AM, am I right?
But there is one major design flaw with gym shorts and pajama pants. I've discovered that this flaw has infected approximately 50% of both styles of legwear, if not more. It's devastating and oh so inconvenient. Enough so that I actually will no longer purchase pajama pants or gym shorts if they have this particular ailment.
No pockets.
Seriously? You sell pants with no pockets? Who's "genius" idea was this? I mean, at least put one in! I don't need a utility belt or anything, but a pouch in which to put various pieces of my daily necessities in would be something you'd think would be obvious to have. I have lots of things that I carry in my pockets, and of the regularly used essentials, each has their own pocket. My phone goes in one pocket, my keys and pocket knife in another, and my wallet in a third. I can condense if need be, but that's my usual pocket lineup. If the pants I'm wearing have no pockets, then where do I put all my stuff?
This issue is annoying enough around the house. I like having my phone on me constantly. Yeah, I know, I"m one of "those" people, but get over it, that's how I live. If I'm wearing pants with no pockets, where do I put my phone? When I'm not using it, I have to place it between my body and the waistband of these apparently almost-useless pajama pants. Then, the material of the screen shield warms up and sticks ever-so-slightly to my skin, which is both uncomfortable and makes it difficult to retrieve the phone without feeling like I'm going to take off either a layer of skin or the screen shield. (Given the choice between the two, I'd rather lose the skin. Good screen shield are expensive!)
As annoying as this lack of pockets is at home, it's at least workable. I can set my phone down on a table and walk away without worrying someone is going to come pick it up and walk off with it (except for my kids, but they really just want to play games). The real problem comes from those late night store runs. I suddenly need my keys and my wallet in addition to my phone. If I'm having trouble keeping my phone in one spot without pockets, I can't even attempt adding other things into the mix. For starters, my wallet is too heavy to stay suspended within the waistband, being weighed down with all the money I carry (snicker), and my keys are all pokey and stabby, so there's no way I'm even trying that. I can't carry all of this in my hands, because I need my hands to carry the chips I'm picking up at the store (and maybe a Gatorade). And I can't justify getting a cart or a basket to carry my items because I'm only getting a single item (which inevitably turns into 5... or 20, but how am I supposed to know chocolate milk is on sale that day?) and who needs an entire cart for one item? That's just wasteful!
Now, the person who initially submitted this blarg topic mentioned the fact that many women's jeans don't have pockets. What "intelligent" person thought that jeans without pockets was a good idea? Now you're screwing with perfectly acceptable daily wear, making them far less useful to the person who wants to both leave the house AND look like they actually showered that day. I get it, many women carry purses with which they can hold all of their "out the door essentials." This does not, however, mean that they don't also want pockets! phones are more easily accessed if they are in a pocket. I've seen women's purses and the apparently magical quality they have to carry much more than should be physically possible, and I can't imagine that digging your phone out of your magic satchel is any easier than sliding it out of your pocket. Pockets are necessary. Now, some women's jeans have the front pockets, but not the back ones. I personally have no problems with these, as they have both form and function. I'm only speaking for myself however. I do notice that girls tend to put their phones in a back pocket as opposed to a front one. I don't get the reason behind this, but I'll accept that there is one. Therefore, the back pockets missing on girls jeans may actually be more annoying to some women than if the front ones were missing. I don't know. I've never worn women's jeans. I'll leave that up to someone else.
Let me start off with this: Pajama pants and gym shorts are the most comfortable things in the world. Obviously, you don't wear them at the same time, because that would look weird and would probably negate the whole comfort thing. I love wearing pajama pants because they are so loose and unrestricting. Fleece or flannel are great in the wintertime, and of course something lightweight during the summer. SOOOOOOO nice!
Gym shorts are just as good as pajama pants, if not better! They are loose, lightweight, and slightly more acceptable to wear to the store if I get a craving in the middle of the night for something that I don't have in my pantry (which happens far more often than I'd really care to admit). I mean, sometimes you just need some sour cream and onion chips at 3:30 AM, am I right?
But there is one major design flaw with gym shorts and pajama pants. I've discovered that this flaw has infected approximately 50% of both styles of legwear, if not more. It's devastating and oh so inconvenient. Enough so that I actually will no longer purchase pajama pants or gym shorts if they have this particular ailment.
No pockets.
Seriously? You sell pants with no pockets? Who's "genius" idea was this? I mean, at least put one in! I don't need a utility belt or anything, but a pouch in which to put various pieces of my daily necessities in would be something you'd think would be obvious to have. I have lots of things that I carry in my pockets, and of the regularly used essentials, each has their own pocket. My phone goes in one pocket, my keys and pocket knife in another, and my wallet in a third. I can condense if need be, but that's my usual pocket lineup. If the pants I'm wearing have no pockets, then where do I put all my stuff?
This issue is annoying enough around the house. I like having my phone on me constantly. Yeah, I know, I"m one of "those" people, but get over it, that's how I live. If I'm wearing pants with no pockets, where do I put my phone? When I'm not using it, I have to place it between my body and the waistband of these apparently almost-useless pajama pants. Then, the material of the screen shield warms up and sticks ever-so-slightly to my skin, which is both uncomfortable and makes it difficult to retrieve the phone without feeling like I'm going to take off either a layer of skin or the screen shield. (Given the choice between the two, I'd rather lose the skin. Good screen shield are expensive!)
As annoying as this lack of pockets is at home, it's at least workable. I can set my phone down on a table and walk away without worrying someone is going to come pick it up and walk off with it (except for my kids, but they really just want to play games). The real problem comes from those late night store runs. I suddenly need my keys and my wallet in addition to my phone. If I'm having trouble keeping my phone in one spot without pockets, I can't even attempt adding other things into the mix. For starters, my wallet is too heavy to stay suspended within the waistband, being weighed down with all the money I carry (snicker), and my keys are all pokey and stabby, so there's no way I'm even trying that. I can't carry all of this in my hands, because I need my hands to carry the chips I'm picking up at the store (and maybe a Gatorade). And I can't justify getting a cart or a basket to carry my items because I'm only getting a single item (which inevitably turns into 5... or 20, but how am I supposed to know chocolate milk is on sale that day?) and who needs an entire cart for one item? That's just wasteful!
Now, the person who initially submitted this blarg topic mentioned the fact that many women's jeans don't have pockets. What "intelligent" person thought that jeans without pockets was a good idea? Now you're screwing with perfectly acceptable daily wear, making them far less useful to the person who wants to both leave the house AND look like they actually showered that day. I get it, many women carry purses with which they can hold all of their "out the door essentials." This does not, however, mean that they don't also want pockets! phones are more easily accessed if they are in a pocket. I've seen women's purses and the apparently magical quality they have to carry much more than should be physically possible, and I can't imagine that digging your phone out of your magic satchel is any easier than sliding it out of your pocket. Pockets are necessary. Now, some women's jeans have the front pockets, but not the back ones. I personally have no problems with these, as they have both form and function. I'm only speaking for myself however. I do notice that girls tend to put their phones in a back pocket as opposed to a front one. I don't get the reason behind this, but I'll accept that there is one. Therefore, the back pockets missing on girls jeans may actually be more annoying to some women than if the front ones were missing. I don't know. I've never worn women's jeans. I'll leave that up to someone else.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Jaywalking
Jaywalking is a perfectly legitimate way of crossing the street when there is no legal way of crossing that particular road. That being said, there are some rules.
First, don't be stupid.
Don't try to cross a busy 6 lane interstate during rush hour. If there is a car anywhere in sight, you should not be crossing the interstate. That's stupid and suicidal. It's common sense. Find another way around. If you are in a city, there are plenty of overpasses within just a couple miles of you. Believe me, your life is worth the hike.
Alright. Now that the morbid part of my speech is over, lets get down to the meat of the subject.
Rule 2: Proper use of crosswalks.
If you are in the city, chances are that there is a crosswalk at the street corner. Many times, those crosswalks are regulated by the use of the "Walk/Dont Walk" lit up signs. Now, in case you are confused, if the image is red, whether it be the words "DONT WALK" or just the big red open hand, it means you should not step into the street. When the sign turns white (or sometimes green), then you have permission to cross. At that point, please move at a reasonable pace across the street, assisting old ladies as you go. Hey, those Boy Scouts can't get them all!
Rule 3: More proper use of crosswalks
Don't jaywalk when a crosswalk is present. I can think of very few times when you need to get across the street so desperately that you can't wait 2 minutes for your turn at the crosswalk. The times when it would be allowable: Your wife is in labor and the hospital is across the street, a bomb is strapped to you and you are running away from highly populate areas, or an supervillain is attacking and you need to get to your costume ASAP. This last only applies if you ACTUALLY have superpowers. Being double jointed or having better than 20/20 vision is not a superpower.
Also, don't cross the street 20 feet up from a crosswalk. It's there for a reason. If you are so lazy that you can't walk 20 feet up the sidewalk to a proper crosswalk, then I guess you probably deserve to get hit by a car. Seriously. It's within view! Why are you so special that you get to ignore all the rules and expect that traffic will just stop for you? The other day, I actually watched a guy come out of his building, turn and move AWAY from the crosswalk, just so he could jaywalk across the street, through moving traffic, and into a coffee shop. Are you kidding me? it would have been easier, and probably taken about the same amount of time to move to the crosswalk, wait the ten seconds for it to change, cross the road safely and legally, and then walk the 30 feet back up the sidewalk on the other side to get your coffee, and you would have saved yourself from recieving the scumbag status. You sir, deserve to be slapped, have your face set on fire, and then have that fire put out with a pair of soccer cleats.
Seriously. If the crosswalk is available, and a supervillain isn't attacking, don't jaywalk.
If no crosswalk is available, please jaywalk intelligently. Or creatively. I would stop for someone is they moonwalked across the street. Or did it on their hands. I would stop for a handstanding jaywalker. Ooh! A hand-moon-jay-walker. That, I would like to see.
First, don't be stupid.
Don't try to cross a busy 6 lane interstate during rush hour. If there is a car anywhere in sight, you should not be crossing the interstate. That's stupid and suicidal. It's common sense. Find another way around. If you are in a city, there are plenty of overpasses within just a couple miles of you. Believe me, your life is worth the hike.
Alright. Now that the morbid part of my speech is over, lets get down to the meat of the subject.
Rule 2: Proper use of crosswalks.
If you are in the city, chances are that there is a crosswalk at the street corner. Many times, those crosswalks are regulated by the use of the "Walk/Dont Walk" lit up signs. Now, in case you are confused, if the image is red, whether it be the words "DONT WALK" or just the big red open hand, it means you should not step into the street. When the sign turns white (or sometimes green), then you have permission to cross. At that point, please move at a reasonable pace across the street, assisting old ladies as you go. Hey, those Boy Scouts can't get them all!
Rule 3: More proper use of crosswalks
Don't jaywalk when a crosswalk is present. I can think of very few times when you need to get across the street so desperately that you can't wait 2 minutes for your turn at the crosswalk. The times when it would be allowable: Your wife is in labor and the hospital is across the street, a bomb is strapped to you and you are running away from highly populate areas, or an supervillain is attacking and you need to get to your costume ASAP. This last only applies if you ACTUALLY have superpowers. Being double jointed or having better than 20/20 vision is not a superpower.
Also, don't cross the street 20 feet up from a crosswalk. It's there for a reason. If you are so lazy that you can't walk 20 feet up the sidewalk to a proper crosswalk, then I guess you probably deserve to get hit by a car. Seriously. It's within view! Why are you so special that you get to ignore all the rules and expect that traffic will just stop for you? The other day, I actually watched a guy come out of his building, turn and move AWAY from the crosswalk, just so he could jaywalk across the street, through moving traffic, and into a coffee shop. Are you kidding me? it would have been easier, and probably taken about the same amount of time to move to the crosswalk, wait the ten seconds for it to change, cross the road safely and legally, and then walk the 30 feet back up the sidewalk on the other side to get your coffee, and you would have saved yourself from recieving the scumbag status. You sir, deserve to be slapped, have your face set on fire, and then have that fire put out with a pair of soccer cleats.
Seriously. If the crosswalk is available, and a supervillain isn't attacking, don't jaywalk.
If no crosswalk is available, please jaywalk intelligently. Or creatively. I would stop for someone is they moonwalked across the street. Or did it on their hands. I would stop for a handstanding jaywalker. Ooh! A hand-moon-jay-walker. That, I would like to see.
Automatic Bathrooms
Feeling stupid is not a normal activity for me. Somehow, though, every time I walk into a bathroom with anything automated, I get the chance to both look and feel like an idiot.
Lets break this down into the different pieces.
The Toilets
There are two problems with automatic toilets. They are far too sensitive, or not sensitive enough. I rarely find an automatic toilet with the right sensitivity. Being a man, I feel I can talk about urinals with some degree of authority. This is a stupid little thing, but sometimes when I'm... you know... the urinal flushes in the middle of it! Why? Did I move? I didn't think so. So why are you flushing? Couldn't you wait ten seconds till I had actually stepped away?
But lets face it. Having a urinal flush on you randomly is nothing compared to having a sit-down toilet flush on you. It's a horrifying experience to have one of those things go off! There is this WHOOSH and sometimes a splash, and it's just... unpleasant. Now, I didn't shift, I didn't stand up. I might admit to leaning forward slightly to get some paper, which for some reason is always about 6 inches too far away. Why do they put it so far away? Who on earth has arms that long? Oh, right, off topic. Oh, and then, when I'm done, I stand up, and for whatever reason it doesn't recognize that I've left. So, I move myself a millimeter, and you open up the raging waters of Niagara under my cheeks, but I completely remove myself from the throne and I don't get so much as a raindrop? How does that work? Stupid.
The Sinks
I've been totally spoiled by automatic sinks. There are so many automatic sinks in places that now I just assume, stupidly, that when I place my hands under the faucet, water will magically appear. When the water doesnt come, what is my first course of action to rectify the situation? Make sure my hand is aligned with the sensor. Because, lets face it, half the time the automatic sinks don't have a sensitive enough sensor. If your fingers are not in the exact right square half inch of space, no water is coming forth. This means hands with just that little bit of bathroom grunge left on them because you can't get the cleansing H2O to flow from the magical spigot. Anyway, so my first course of action is to check the sensor. Turns out, half the time, there isn't a sensor. Instead, there is a standard knob or handle to turn on the water. Dang. Foiled again.
The Towel Dispensers
There is no good system for dispensing towels that has yet to be released. I will admit, the closest one I've seen to decency is the automatic towel dispenser. I'm referring to the ones where you wave your hand in front of it and it rolls out a nice, easy-to-tear-off sheet of paper towel. Here's the problem. It only rolls out 3 inches at a time. I have big hands. Only having 3 inches of paper towel just isn't going to cut it. So I grab another. Hmmm... Still not dry. Ok, another. Dang. Fine, just one more. By now, the other people in the bathroom are wondering why on earth this jerk is wasting trees just because he can't get the tiny little bit of moisture off his hands. Now I'm sitting there, mentally defending myself; "Its not giving me enough! I have hands to shake, and nobody wants to shake a wet hand! ARG! WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT!! JUST GIVE ME A PROPER LENGTH OF TOWEL!!!"
The Hand Dryers
I don't know who designs the sensors on automatic hand dryers, but you have to have just the right position to get them to even turn on. Now, if you are a stranger to proper use of the hand drying tools, allow me to explain the real problem here. In order to get your hands any semblance of dry without taking 3 hours, you have to move your hands; Rub them, move them, turn them. This allows for proper air flow around the fingers, creating the (almost) perfect (not really) environment for water to evaporate off your skin. The issue arises with that movement. combining movement with a small and overly picky sensor means the air is only on for 15 seconds at a time. Then you have to stop, find the sweet spot, which is usually about 6 inches lower than where you can ever feel air, and then start the process over again.
There are some newer hand dryers that have come out recently that rely less on hot air and depend more on the actual force of the air. These are cool. They are fast, they are reliable, and when I use them, I get to see the skin on the backs of my hands move and wrinkle like I'm an old person. Then when I remove my hands, they are magically restored to their beautiful and youthful appearance. It's a wonderful reminder that I am young and not supposed to be bothered by silly things like automatic bathrooms.
Lets break this down into the different pieces.
The Toilets
There are two problems with automatic toilets. They are far too sensitive, or not sensitive enough. I rarely find an automatic toilet with the right sensitivity. Being a man, I feel I can talk about urinals with some degree of authority. This is a stupid little thing, but sometimes when I'm... you know... the urinal flushes in the middle of it! Why? Did I move? I didn't think so. So why are you flushing? Couldn't you wait ten seconds till I had actually stepped away?
But lets face it. Having a urinal flush on you randomly is nothing compared to having a sit-down toilet flush on you. It's a horrifying experience to have one of those things go off! There is this WHOOSH and sometimes a splash, and it's just... unpleasant. Now, I didn't shift, I didn't stand up. I might admit to leaning forward slightly to get some paper, which for some reason is always about 6 inches too far away. Why do they put it so far away? Who on earth has arms that long? Oh, right, off topic. Oh, and then, when I'm done, I stand up, and for whatever reason it doesn't recognize that I've left. So, I move myself a millimeter, and you open up the raging waters of Niagara under my cheeks, but I completely remove myself from the throne and I don't get so much as a raindrop? How does that work? Stupid.
The Sinks
I've been totally spoiled by automatic sinks. There are so many automatic sinks in places that now I just assume, stupidly, that when I place my hands under the faucet, water will magically appear. When the water doesnt come, what is my first course of action to rectify the situation? Make sure my hand is aligned with the sensor. Because, lets face it, half the time the automatic sinks don't have a sensitive enough sensor. If your fingers are not in the exact right square half inch of space, no water is coming forth. This means hands with just that little bit of bathroom grunge left on them because you can't get the cleansing H2O to flow from the magical spigot. Anyway, so my first course of action is to check the sensor. Turns out, half the time, there isn't a sensor. Instead, there is a standard knob or handle to turn on the water. Dang. Foiled again.
The Towel Dispensers
There is no good system for dispensing towels that has yet to be released. I will admit, the closest one I've seen to decency is the automatic towel dispenser. I'm referring to the ones where you wave your hand in front of it and it rolls out a nice, easy-to-tear-off sheet of paper towel. Here's the problem. It only rolls out 3 inches at a time. I have big hands. Only having 3 inches of paper towel just isn't going to cut it. So I grab another. Hmmm... Still not dry. Ok, another. Dang. Fine, just one more. By now, the other people in the bathroom are wondering why on earth this jerk is wasting trees just because he can't get the tiny little bit of moisture off his hands. Now I'm sitting there, mentally defending myself; "Its not giving me enough! I have hands to shake, and nobody wants to shake a wet hand! ARG! WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT!! JUST GIVE ME A PROPER LENGTH OF TOWEL!!!"
The Hand Dryers
I don't know who designs the sensors on automatic hand dryers, but you have to have just the right position to get them to even turn on. Now, if you are a stranger to proper use of the hand drying tools, allow me to explain the real problem here. In order to get your hands any semblance of dry without taking 3 hours, you have to move your hands; Rub them, move them, turn them. This allows for proper air flow around the fingers, creating the (almost) perfect (not really) environment for water to evaporate off your skin. The issue arises with that movement. combining movement with a small and overly picky sensor means the air is only on for 15 seconds at a time. Then you have to stop, find the sweet spot, which is usually about 6 inches lower than where you can ever feel air, and then start the process over again.
There are some newer hand dryers that have come out recently that rely less on hot air and depend more on the actual force of the air. These are cool. They are fast, they are reliable, and when I use them, I get to see the skin on the backs of my hands move and wrinkle like I'm an old person. Then when I remove my hands, they are magically restored to their beautiful and youthful appearance. It's a wonderful reminder that I am young and not supposed to be bothered by silly things like automatic bathrooms.
Monday, December 16, 2013
It's Dark Out!
So, I recognize that I do a lot of posts about driving. I love driving. I find it calming and it gives me a place to think and organize my thoughts while not being totally bored and disengaged from the world.
When other drivers ruin it for me, it makes me mad.
Not road rage-y mad. Just mad. Mad enough to blarg about it. The idea for this post came from a good friend of mine, and I have to admit that I've been putting it off. I don't know why I've been putting it off. I just have. For that, I owe my friend an apology.
Anyway, back to drivers. Have you ever been cruising down a dark street, and just see a couple of yellow lights approaching you at high speed? Chances are, they are not the glowing eyes of the boogeyman coming to gobble you up, but rather the running lights of some idiot who has neglected to turn on their headlights.
It is my opinion that either they are intentionally trying to kill someone, possibly themselves included, or they are so impossibly unaware of their surroundings, they have not realized it is dark and difficult to see. Either way, they should not be driving.
If they have been intently negligent in turning them on, I would say they have earned the right to a license revocation, and at least two nights in a special cell at the police station which I will dub the "stupidity cell." This will be similar to the stocks of olden times, where the culprit has his hands and head stuck in holes, and is left standing there, butt stuck out, half bent over. It looks rather uncomfortable. Now, in the olden stocks, the village people (the locals, not the music group... well, maybe them too?) would come by and have the ability to slap or hurl old produce at the offender. I think that these stupidity cells should come equipped with foam ball launchers that anyone in the public would be allowed to use. This could be turned into a potential way to increase funding to our civil servants, should tickets be sold (at a fairly low cost per ticket, of course). I'm thinking even school field trips could get involved with the fun! Each ball would have the words "TURN ON YOUR LIGHTS" printed on them, so the offender would see the message every time a ball was launghed at them.
If the person is oblivious to their surroundings, they at least need to get their eyes checked. Some states do a "demerit" or "point" system, where certain offenses grant certain negative points against a driver's licence. Driving in the dark with no headlights certainly deserves this. I'm going to save my ideas on this particular subject, however, because I'm fairly certain there is alread a policy in place on this, and is enforced with the perpetrator is caught.
But a ball launcher for intentional idiots...
Genius
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Get me a rock
Vague communication is the downfall of any relationship. When you are giving instructions, please please please be clear. When you are describing something, please be clear. Now, I'm not saying you need to be poetic about it, but you at least need to get the person from point A to point B without missing steps in between.
I love it when a supervisor or teacher gives an assignment and doesn't tell you the steps to complete it. I don't need to know every little detail, but when you expect me to complete an assignment, but don't give me the information I need to do so, you are not a kind person.
A few weeks ago, one of my professors needed us to get together with classmates via an online group video chat system. We were told to use the links provided in order to use this software. We were not told who our group members were, nor where the "provided links" were actually provided. Turns out, that information was buried deep inside another set of folders. It would have taken my professor ten seconds to type out where that information could be found, but instead I took an hour and a half to dig for it. This is bad communication, and I suffered for it.
Another form of vague communication is what my mother deems "Get-Me-a-Rock Syndrome." To explain this, I'll put it in context. You work in a rock quarry. Your boss tells you to go out and get him a rock. So, you go out, pick up the first rock you see, and bring it to him. He then informs you the rock he needs has to be bigger. You go out again and retrieve a larger rock. He tells you this one is too big. After several more times, you finally obtain the correct size rock, only to be informed that the desired rock must be red. After finding a rock with that description, he once again defines the parameters to include blue speckles and a white band.
See what I'm getting at here? 30 rocks later, he still doesn't have what he wants and it is somehow your fault for not bringing the correct rock. You both are pissed, he's about to fire you, and you are about to bash his face in for wasting your time.
People need to just open their mouths and actually give clear directions that can be understood. Those listening also need to have the balls to ask a question if they don't understand any part of the instructions. This will keep so much hassle from happening, and in the end, everyone will be happier!
I love it when a supervisor or teacher gives an assignment and doesn't tell you the steps to complete it. I don't need to know every little detail, but when you expect me to complete an assignment, but don't give me the information I need to do so, you are not a kind person.
A few weeks ago, one of my professors needed us to get together with classmates via an online group video chat system. We were told to use the links provided in order to use this software. We were not told who our group members were, nor where the "provided links" were actually provided. Turns out, that information was buried deep inside another set of folders. It would have taken my professor ten seconds to type out where that information could be found, but instead I took an hour and a half to dig for it. This is bad communication, and I suffered for it.
Another form of vague communication is what my mother deems "Get-Me-a-Rock Syndrome." To explain this, I'll put it in context. You work in a rock quarry. Your boss tells you to go out and get him a rock. So, you go out, pick up the first rock you see, and bring it to him. He then informs you the rock he needs has to be bigger. You go out again and retrieve a larger rock. He tells you this one is too big. After several more times, you finally obtain the correct size rock, only to be informed that the desired rock must be red. After finding a rock with that description, he once again defines the parameters to include blue speckles and a white band.
See what I'm getting at here? 30 rocks later, he still doesn't have what he wants and it is somehow your fault for not bringing the correct rock. You both are pissed, he's about to fire you, and you are about to bash his face in for wasting your time.
People need to just open their mouths and actually give clear directions that can be understood. Those listening also need to have the balls to ask a question if they don't understand any part of the instructions. This will keep so much hassle from happening, and in the end, everyone will be happier!
Accounting
I hate accounting.
I hate it with a passion that burn brighter than the fiery pits of Hell combined with the righteous indignant fury of the Hosts of Heaven.
I've taken the same stupid accounting class for my university classes hmmm... lets see... oh just THREE TIMES! I hate this class with every fiber of my being. I can't stand not being able to get the concepts, and there is nobody in the world who is able to explain it to me in a way I understand (with the exception of one, who is a Godsend, and may actually be able to pull my butt through this class). Before I found this guy, though, I'd been through everything I could think of to get my brain to wrap itself around the concepts put forth by my professors.
There is an accounting lab on campus, which is supposed to specialize in tutoring morons like me in a way that is understandable. I think "Great! That will allow me to get some help and get the accounting juices flowing!" Not wanting to look like a total doofus, I make sure that I have read the book, looked over the homework, and come with a list of specific questions to ask the tutors there, so I can walk out of there feeling confident that I can last one more day in this nightmare of a class. I finally get the attention of one of the tutors, and he comes over, sits down next to me, and says (Verbatim) "Well, everything is in the book. Why don't you read the book and see if that helps."
Like I haven't already thought of that.
You idiot! I came to you because I've exhausted all the other options I can think of. Don't tell me to just read the book and all will magically become clear! I've done that. Now answer the questions that I've brought to you AFTER having read the book.
By the time I come out of my shock of him having said this, however, he has already stood up and moved on to help another struggling student. I never got help from there. I'd like to say this was a one time occurance, too. Unfortunately, this proved to be the rule, rather than the exception, when it came to the amount of help I recieved from that disgrace of a tutoring center.
I hate accounting.
I hate it with a passion that burn brighter than the fiery pits of Hell combined with the righteous indignant fury of the Hosts of Heaven.
I've taken the same stupid accounting class for my university classes hmmm... lets see... oh just THREE TIMES! I hate this class with every fiber of my being. I can't stand not being able to get the concepts, and there is nobody in the world who is able to explain it to me in a way I understand (with the exception of one, who is a Godsend, and may actually be able to pull my butt through this class). Before I found this guy, though, I'd been through everything I could think of to get my brain to wrap itself around the concepts put forth by my professors.
There is an accounting lab on campus, which is supposed to specialize in tutoring morons like me in a way that is understandable. I think "Great! That will allow me to get some help and get the accounting juices flowing!" Not wanting to look like a total doofus, I make sure that I have read the book, looked over the homework, and come with a list of specific questions to ask the tutors there, so I can walk out of there feeling confident that I can last one more day in this nightmare of a class. I finally get the attention of one of the tutors, and he comes over, sits down next to me, and says (Verbatim) "Well, everything is in the book. Why don't you read the book and see if that helps."
Like I haven't already thought of that.
You idiot! I came to you because I've exhausted all the other options I can think of. Don't tell me to just read the book and all will magically become clear! I've done that. Now answer the questions that I've brought to you AFTER having read the book.
By the time I come out of my shock of him having said this, however, he has already stood up and moved on to help another struggling student. I never got help from there. I'd like to say this was a one time occurance, too. Unfortunately, this proved to be the rule, rather than the exception, when it came to the amount of help I recieved from that disgrace of a tutoring center.
I hate accounting.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
My cupholder
I love my car. Love it! I love everything about it. It's very versatile (go hatchbacks!) and it gets great gas mileage. lots of little accessories in it that make driving it a pleasure.
Between the two front seats are two cup holders. One sits in front of the other, and the one in the back sits just a little bit higher than the other. The one in back is perfect for pretty much everything. Soda cans, water bottles, fast food cups, again, everything can fit in this cup holder.
The partner cup holder does not perform the same job with the same vigor and excellence, however, and it is very upsetting. For whatever reason, it is just a little bit smaller than the other one. It won't hold a soda can, and it's too close to the rear cup holder to allow anything with a lid to sit in it without the lid popping off. About the only thing that will actually fit in this cup holder is a standard 16.9 oz water bottle.
I'd like to know why on earth the designers of this otherwise wonderful car would put in cup holders of differing sizes? It seems like a completely idiotic thing to think of, let alone actually put into practice. I mean, who on earth designs something with two separate size cup holders? I get the idea that some beverage containers are different sizes, but there are many ways to make a larger cup holder work with smaller objects, but there are no ways to make a smaller cup holder fit larger cups.
Between the two front seats are two cup holders. One sits in front of the other, and the one in the back sits just a little bit higher than the other. The one in back is perfect for pretty much everything. Soda cans, water bottles, fast food cups, again, everything can fit in this cup holder.
The partner cup holder does not perform the same job with the same vigor and excellence, however, and it is very upsetting. For whatever reason, it is just a little bit smaller than the other one. It won't hold a soda can, and it's too close to the rear cup holder to allow anything with a lid to sit in it without the lid popping off. About the only thing that will actually fit in this cup holder is a standard 16.9 oz water bottle.
I'd like to know why on earth the designers of this otherwise wonderful car would put in cup holders of differing sizes? It seems like a completely idiotic thing to think of, let alone actually put into practice. I mean, who on earth designs something with two separate size cup holders? I get the idea that some beverage containers are different sizes, but there are many ways to make a larger cup holder work with smaller objects, but there are no ways to make a smaller cup holder fit larger cups.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Really, Kid?
Here is a current event for you!
My son, who is two, is extremely smart. He grasps concepts quickly, he is helpful, cheerful, and overall a great little kid. I could compare him to your kids, but I'm pretty sure it would end up in an argument, and eventually, you would see reason and begrudgingly accept that my son is pretty much the greatest kid around.
Today, however...
In the basement, I have a little mini office set up. It allows me a space to work on my homework (and my blarg) in relative peace and quiet. So today, as I'm studying, I hear this drip drip dripping noise. I go to investigate. No signs of dripping. The faucets are all off, the toilet isn't leaking, etc. so I go back to my homework.
The dripping continues
and continues
and, well you get the picture. So I go to investigate again. I look around a little further, and in the storage area, I notice a puddle on the ground. Upon further inspection, I realize there is water dripping down the walls! Holy Smoke! So, I get on a chair, look around, but can't find the source of the dripping. So I go upstairs. The bathroom right above me is totally dry. No dripping, no water running, nothing. But in the closet right next to that bathroom, I can hear dripping. So I think "What on earth upstairs can be... OH NO!!!"
I sprint up the stairs and slam open my sons room. He has the sink on. Normally, not a bad thing in and of itself. The problem is, he has deposited some toilet paper in the sink, which clogged it. The TP then clogged the emergency drain in the front of the sink. The sink then overflowed. The bathroom rugs got to sop up a lot of the water, but they were not enough to handle it. So, where can the water go?
Down the AC vent!
Apparently, the water drained down the vent, and when it got the bottom of the vent, leaked into the ceiling of the basement, and onto the floor. The carpet in several places is soaked, and the restoration guys say that there is water in the ceiling and some of the walls. Great. That's a boatload of money I wasn't planning on spending. Sigh.
Two-year-olds... It's a good thing he's cute.
My son, who is two, is extremely smart. He grasps concepts quickly, he is helpful, cheerful, and overall a great little kid. I could compare him to your kids, but I'm pretty sure it would end up in an argument, and eventually, you would see reason and begrudgingly accept that my son is pretty much the greatest kid around.
Today, however...
In the basement, I have a little mini office set up. It allows me a space to work on my homework (and my blarg) in relative peace and quiet. So today, as I'm studying, I hear this drip drip dripping noise. I go to investigate. No signs of dripping. The faucets are all off, the toilet isn't leaking, etc. so I go back to my homework.
The dripping continues
and continues
and, well you get the picture. So I go to investigate again. I look around a little further, and in the storage area, I notice a puddle on the ground. Upon further inspection, I realize there is water dripping down the walls! Holy Smoke! So, I get on a chair, look around, but can't find the source of the dripping. So I go upstairs. The bathroom right above me is totally dry. No dripping, no water running, nothing. But in the closet right next to that bathroom, I can hear dripping. So I think "What on earth upstairs can be... OH NO!!!"
I sprint up the stairs and slam open my sons room. He has the sink on. Normally, not a bad thing in and of itself. The problem is, he has deposited some toilet paper in the sink, which clogged it. The TP then clogged the emergency drain in the front of the sink. The sink then overflowed. The bathroom rugs got to sop up a lot of the water, but they were not enough to handle it. So, where can the water go?
Down the AC vent!
Apparently, the water drained down the vent, and when it got the bottom of the vent, leaked into the ceiling of the basement, and onto the floor. The carpet in several places is soaked, and the restoration guys say that there is water in the ceiling and some of the walls. Great. That's a boatload of money I wasn't planning on spending. Sigh.
Two-year-olds... It's a good thing he's cute.
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