Hotline Woes

I used to work in the wireless phone business. I worked for a company that was considered a "third-party" sales team. We dealt with three different major wireless carriers, and to avoid any of these companies coming after me with all their righteous corporate fury, I will not refer to them by name. Lets simply call them Awesome, Great, and... Not-so-Great (NOG for short).

Working as a third-party representative, I had the great liberty of being able to be completely honest about these different companies. Each company had strengths and weaknesses, ranging from price to coverage to handset availability and quality. I loved being able to talk openly with customers to identify their needs and match them to whichever service and handset would best suit them.

Often, these discussions would lead to questions, or there would be difficulties with the activation process. This would invariably result in my having to call the carrier to resolve the issue. Two of the carriers (I bet you can figure out which two I'm referring to by their fictional names above) were really good at the whole customer service bit. They responded to my calls with courtesy, the automated systems were easy to navigate, or had built in systems to send me straight to an actual person. The calling process was not always pleasant with them, but the vast majority of the time, I didn't have a problem with them.

NOG, however, was almost always a pain. There was so much frustration with them, that I began to take notes on how to best circumvent them and get what I wanted with as little pain as possible. Unfortunately, my notes did me no good, as it seemed that their system was always changing in an effort to constantly screw with their customers. Their automated systems had no viable workaround, and their customer services representatives seemed to be trained in the art of customer frustration.

A story:

I called NOG because I had to upgrade someone's line. This is not a problem most of the time, and I rarely need to call in to get it done. This particular instance, there was a minor blip in the system, and I had to make the dreaded call. After waiting on hold with their incessant music and annoying pitches for services nobody actually needs, I finally was able to navigate my way to an actual person who spoke English (sort of) with an accent that was so heavy I could have made a mattress out of it. I told him the situation, which was really quite minor, but still needed the assistance of someone from the almighty person on the phone. He then told me he didn't understand what I wanted him to do.

What?

You're telling me that you don't know how to fix this minor blip that has happened to me at least a hundred times before? (Yeah, I know, I said it's not common, but it still happens) Are you so incompetent that you can't type in a string of numbers into the correct box? I'm even providing you the numbers! You can't do that?

So I attempt to explain what I want done in a different way. Again, he replied with incomprehension. So, I explain it a third time.

This time, he gets what I want him to do, but tells me it is against company policy to perform the task I am asking him to do.

Come again?

Let me remind you, I've done this exact thing over a hundred times (that's not an exaggeration) and I've done it with all three carriers that I represent. This is not a major thing, I just don't have access to the button that needs pushing on my computer.

Long story short, I hung up and called back to speak with someone different who would do what I wanted. The whole process: 3.5 hours. Way to go, NOG, you have successfully turned something that should have taken 15 minutes maximum, including a reasonable hold time, to something that was blown so far out of proportion that I've now turned into a blarg.

I've unfortunately found that many customer service hotlines have a similar problem. They take the simple and create something impossible out of it. I love getting a good customer service rep, and I will gladly stay on the line to give them excellent feedback for every good rep I get. I understand that their jobs depend on that feedback, and promotions can come from consistent positive feedback. It goes both ways, though. I'll gladly rip apart any service rep who doesn't do at least the minimum. They have no place in a service industry if they can't do their job, or they can't do it with civility. I'm never rude to them, because I've been in the service industry, and I know how hard it can be. But I also have a healthy respect for being able to do one's job, and far too often, customer service lines don't or can't.