Hotline Woes

I used to work in the wireless phone business. I worked for a company that was considered a "third-party" sales team. We dealt with three different major wireless carriers, and to avoid any of these companies coming after me with all their righteous corporate fury, I will not refer to them by name. Lets simply call them Awesome, Great, and... Not-so-Great (NOG for short).

Working as a third-party representative, I had the great liberty of being able to be completely honest about these different companies. Each company had strengths and weaknesses, ranging from price to coverage to handset availability and quality. I loved being able to talk openly with customers to identify their needs and match them to whichever service and handset would best suit them.

Often, these discussions would lead to questions, or there would be difficulties with the activation process. This would invariably result in my having to call the carrier to resolve the issue. Two of the carriers (I bet you can figure out which two I'm referring to by their fictional names above) were really good at the whole customer service bit. They responded to my calls with courtesy, the automated systems were easy to navigate, or had built in systems to send me straight to an actual person. The calling process was not always pleasant with them, but the vast majority of the time, I didn't have a problem with them.

NOG, however, was almost always a pain. There was so much frustration with them, that I began to take notes on how to best circumvent them and get what I wanted with as little pain as possible. Unfortunately, my notes did me no good, as it seemed that their system was always changing in an effort to constantly screw with their customers. Their automated systems had no viable workaround, and their customer services representatives seemed to be trained in the art of customer frustration.

A story:

I called NOG because I had to upgrade someone's line. This is not a problem most of the time, and I rarely need to call in to get it done. This particular instance, there was a minor blip in the system, and I had to make the dreaded call. After waiting on hold with their incessant music and annoying pitches for services nobody actually needs, I finally was able to navigate my way to an actual person who spoke English (sort of) with an accent that was so heavy I could have made a mattress out of it. I told him the situation, which was really quite minor, but still needed the assistance of someone from the almighty person on the phone. He then told me he didn't understand what I wanted him to do.

What?

You're telling me that you don't know how to fix this minor blip that has happened to me at least a hundred times before? (Yeah, I know, I said it's not common, but it still happens) Are you so incompetent that you can't type in a string of numbers into the correct box? I'm even providing you the numbers! You can't do that?

So I attempt to explain what I want done in a different way. Again, he replied with incomprehension. So, I explain it a third time.

This time, he gets what I want him to do, but tells me it is against company policy to perform the task I am asking him to do.

Come again?

Let me remind you, I've done this exact thing over a hundred times (that's not an exaggeration) and I've done it with all three carriers that I represent. This is not a major thing, I just don't have access to the button that needs pushing on my computer.

Long story short, I hung up and called back to speak with someone different who would do what I wanted. The whole process: 3.5 hours. Way to go, NOG, you have successfully turned something that should have taken 15 minutes maximum, including a reasonable hold time, to something that was blown so far out of proportion that I've now turned into a blarg.

I've unfortunately found that many customer service hotlines have a similar problem. They take the simple and create something impossible out of it. I love getting a good customer service rep, and I will gladly stay on the line to give them excellent feedback for every good rep I get. I understand that their jobs depend on that feedback, and promotions can come from consistent positive feedback. It goes both ways, though. I'll gladly rip apart any service rep who doesn't do at least the minimum. They have no place in a service industry if they can't do their job, or they can't do it with civility. I'm never rude to them, because I've been in the service industry, and I know how hard it can be. But I also have a healthy respect for being able to do one's job, and far too often, customer service lines don't or can't.

Get me a rock

Vague communication is the downfall of any relationship. When you are giving instructions, please please please be clear. When you are describing something, please be clear. Now, I'm not saying you need to be poetic about it, but you at least need to get the person from point A to point B without missing steps in between.

I love it when a supervisor or teacher gives an assignment and doesn't tell you the steps to complete it. I don't need to know every little detail, but when you expect me to complete an assignment, but don't give me the information I need to do so, you are not a kind person.

A few weeks ago, one of my professors needed us to get together with classmates via an online group video chat system. We were told to use the links provided in order to use this software. We were not told who our group members were, nor where the "provided links" were actually provided. Turns out, that information was buried deep inside another set of folders. It would have taken my professor ten seconds to type out where that information could be found, but instead I took an hour and a half to dig for it. This is bad communication, and I suffered for it.

Another form of vague communication is what my mother deems "Get-Me-a-Rock Syndrome." To explain this, I'll put it in context. You work in a rock quarry. Your boss tells you to go out and get him a rock. So, you go out, pick up the first rock you see, and bring it to him. He then informs you the rock he needs has to be bigger. You go out again and retrieve a larger rock. He tells you this one is too big. After several more times, you finally obtain the correct size rock, only to be informed that the desired rock must be red. After finding a rock with that description, he once again defines the parameters to include blue speckles and a white band.

See what I'm getting at here? 30 rocks later, he still doesn't have what he wants and it is somehow your fault for not bringing the correct rock. You both are pissed, he's about to fire you, and you are about to bash his face in for wasting your time.

People need to just open their mouths and actually give clear directions that can be understood. Those listening also need to have the balls to ask a question if they don't understand any part of the instructions. This will keep so much hassle from happening, and in the end, everyone will be happier!