Really, Kid?

Here is a current event for you!

My son, who is two, is extremely smart. He grasps concepts quickly, he is helpful, cheerful, and overall a great little kid. I could compare him to your kids, but I'm pretty sure it would end up in an argument, and eventually, you would see reason and begrudgingly accept that my son is pretty much the greatest kid around.

Today, however...

In the basement, I have a little mini office set up. It allows me a space to work on my homework (and my blarg) in relative peace and quiet. So today, as I'm studying, I hear this drip drip dripping noise. I go to investigate. No signs of dripping. The faucets are all off, the toilet isn't leaking, etc. so I go back to my homework.

The dripping continues

and continues

and, well you get the picture. So I go to investigate again. I look around a little further, and in the storage area, I notice a puddle on the ground. Upon further inspection, I realize there is water dripping down the walls! Holy Smoke! So, I get on a chair, look around, but can't find the source of the dripping. So I go upstairs. The bathroom right above me is totally dry. No dripping, no water running, nothing. But in the closet right next to that bathroom, I can hear dripping. So I think "What on earth upstairs can be... OH NO!!!"

I sprint up the stairs and slam open my sons room. He has the sink on. Normally, not a bad thing in and of itself. The problem is, he has deposited some toilet paper in the sink, which clogged it. The TP then clogged the emergency drain in the front of the sink. The sink then overflowed. The bathroom rugs got to sop up a lot of the water, but they were not enough to handle it. So, where can the water go?

Down the AC vent!

Apparently, the water drained down the vent, and when it got the bottom of the vent, leaked into the ceiling of the basement, and onto the floor. The carpet in several places is soaked, and the restoration guys say that there is water in the ceiling and some of the walls. Great. That's a boatload of money I wasn't planning on spending. Sigh.

Two-year-olds... It's a good thing he's cute.

Counting Dimes

So, I have big hands.

You know what that means!

Yes, it means I have trouble dealing with really small objects.

Like dimes.


I hate counting dimes. Specifically dimes. I don't hate counting all coins, it really is just dimes. Part of my job is to count the money in the registers, make sure there is a certain amount of money in them at the start and the end of the day. Paper money is a cinch, quarters and nickles, no problem. Pennies... ok, so pennies are a little tough, but dimes are so small I have trouble counting them one by one back into the drawer. Inevitably, I drop one or two extra into the slot, and I have to start counting dimes all over again. It's really annoying!

Also, I lose track counting dimes easily. I never lose track with any of the other change, just dimes. I start to count by cents (10,20,30,40...90,1 dollar) but then I lose track of how many dollars I have counted out (crap, have I already counted 2 dollars? or was it 3? dang...) When you have 20 different registers to count, it gets really aggravating to have to start over on almost every one.

It's so bad, when I see only 2 or 3 dimes in a register, I rejoice! I am so happy that I can just eye it, and I don't have to worry about starting over 38 dimes in.

Do other people have this animosity towards dimes? Probably not... my guess is that nickles or pennies are probably the victims of most change hate crimes

Cake

Ok, so I grew up with my mom's cake. It is amazing cake. My personal favorite is a devils food cake that is quite heavy, but so moist and rich that it makes me drool just thinking about it. Now, on this cake, there was frosting. My mom had this really nice cream cheese frosting that she would put on the cake, and it was very sweet and rich, and also a little weighty itself. It had substance. Then, the frosting would mingle with the air, and just the outermost layer of the frosting, just half a millimeter's worth, would get just a little hard and crusty, and...mmmmmmmmm. It's a party in my mouth and more cake is invited! Oh, and milk...

Then...

There are store cakes. I will grant that not every cake is this way, but for the most part, when you buy a cake at the store, it's very light and airy. I know a lot of people like this kind of cake, but I feel like I'm not getting anything except a mouth full of vanilla air. It's gross. It cuts too easily, it's dry, and and I feel like I need a slice five times as large as usual to satisfy my craving.

And the frosting is awful.

It's like semi-liquid cotton candy. It's way too light, there's too much air, and I feel like a single tablespoon could put me in a diabetic coma. If I get one of those stupid frosting roses on my piece, I scrape it off. Too much air, too much food coloring, not enough frosting! I ordered cake, not air! If you can blow the icing off the top of your slice of cake (which I have done), then it's too light. I want substance!

Also, if you can TASTE the food coloring in your icing, you've used too much color. Blech!

Cake should not be trifled with. Unless, of course, you are cubing it and putting it in a trifle... hmmmmm

Nothing

So, here's something ironic. I'm blarging about not having anything to blarg about!

It's actually quite frustrating. Here I am, living my life, which is pretty dang good. But I write a blog of complaints. My life is so good, I have nothing to complain about. Even the little stuff hasn't bothered me enough to consider actually writing something about it. How great is that? Great for life, not so good for my readers (you know who you are!)

I was actually thinking about it this morning while at work. I was intentionally trying to come up with things to blarg about, and I was having a tough time. The best I could think of was counting dimes. (more to come, I guess).

What am I supposed to tell my fans? The thronging masses need my literary work, and I'm depriving them of it because I'm too happy! Man, I'm a jerk

Ooh! I just thought of something! I'll put it up as soon as I finish it!

In the meantime, please, if you have any ideas on topics, or a mildly depressing story you want to share, please email me at thisismyblarg@gmail.com. I would love to look over your material and add it to my menagerie of mayhem!